Some risks are worth taking

One of my lifelong goals was to own my own business. Unlike some, I never knew the type of business I wanted to own. All I knew was that I was fascinated by being able to offer someone a job. Several years ago, probably around new years, I made a list of things I wanted to do in my life. It wasn't a bucket list per se but just things I longed to do.
I remember after I wrote, I reread it and was immediately discouraged. The joy and excitement that I had experienced mere seconds before were replaced by excuses and fear. Like a tidal wave, the excuses him and immediately I was drowing in the face of my reality. Needless to say I didn't do anything on that list that year. I've kept the list and when I am feeling BRAVE I review and then wait to see what feelings overtake me.

Two years ago, I reviewed the list and felt the vines of boldness creep up my back and plant itself on my shoulders. I thought why have I been telling myself I can't do these things.

My personality type is one that dreams big but doesn't see the path to get to the dream. When I looked at the list of would be achievements, I only saw them in their fully developed, fully realized states, best case scenario states. I would look at my dream business then look at the dirty diaper on the floor waiting to be deposited in the bin and wonder how I could ever bridge the two. Well no wonder I felt discouraged.

Fully equiped with boldness and fresh perspective from my counselor I gave myself permission to start working toward a goal; specifically, starting my own business.

The BRAVE lesson in this was recgoninzing that starting small can be the biggest thing I can do. Why? Because it allows me to start. If I try to go big right out the gate, most likely I'd never get off the ground. After much thought, prayer,a nd research this week I am humbled to say, I am launching my own business. The full business launch won't happen until the end of this year but one phase of it is ready and happens this week. AND I was able to offer someone a job! I have tackled something that, in the words of my late grandmother, "scared the living daylights outta me."

The hardest part about starting my business was dealing with all the internal junk involved in discovering what mattered most. I wanted to be able to rent office space, have a receptionist, a top notch website, and the latest and greatest gadgets. I wanted to "look" successful. I erroroneously thought that if I did it big, God would be best glorifyied. I wanted to make God look good and thought being a success in the way society defines it would do that. The truth was that deep inside, i wanted to all those things to make myself look good in the hopes that I might believe that I am good enough. The bible says that God will lead me in truimph (2Cor2:14), but I learned that my idea of triump and God's idea of triump have to be aligned.

Triumph to God is overcoming something that used to overcome you. Being obsessed with my public image used to overcome me, but not anymore. I feared that people wouldn't get it, heck! Half the time I didn't get it. Now I see all these years that God was leading me in the way of triumph by exposing and expelling the hidden agendas, the secret desires, the pride, and the shame that was keeping me from going after a dream.
My grand opening won't make the papers, and there will be little Facebook flourish.  As I mentioned in previous post on New Year's resolutions, I am writing about it to be held accountable and ask for support. I am also writing about it to encourage you. Hopefully the right person will read this and tak away a nugget that will cause their boldness to bud.

When you put yourself out there to start something new, you have TONS of reason not to do it. I have listened to those reasons long enough. Some risks are just worth taking.

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Scriptural Gems: Intro

One thing I realized is that we all want to know God and yearn to be His friend and have a closeness with him but we disregard the way He designed that to happen. You can not know God without knowing the scriptures, the Word, the Bible...whatever term you want to use. Pure and simple. God has revealed so much of his thoughts, his character, his intentions, his advice, his commandments, his desires, what he wants, what we should do, how we should act, how we should think, how to treat adversity, how to treat abundance, etc, all in the scriptures but because of our own biases, deceptions, disappointment, or some other "bible toting" person actions, we diminish the power and necessity of the Bible for several reasons.


It is like saying I want to know how to make a cake but I don't want to look a recipe. We want others to tell us what to do, psychics, fortune cookies, friends. etc because that is a whole lot easier than pulling out the scriptures and spending time with God. Why do you think so many false prophets and money hungry televangelists have been so successful in this country. Because we'd rather rely or even pay for another to tell us about God than to discover him for ourselves.


The flip side to this error is the some have decided that as long as they have God they don't need other people. We don't need Jesus, a pastor, or teacher, or to go to church to be with other congregants. All we need is God. That isn't scriptural either. The bible is full of encouragement to get to know others, serve other, learn from each other, and teach others. We can't do that with a "lone ranger" attitude. Because in the course of being in community with others we see what about us needs to change.

I have decided that I can no longer rely on the every changing ideas of culture as an accurate source of guidance on what i should and should not do. It hasn't been working well for me. Cultural ideologies change too often and I need a foundation that will let me navigate what is worth my time and attention and what is not. 

In that vein, I have turned to the Bible for my source of wisdom. So I am beginning a new series I am calling Scriptural Gems. I have made the commitment to read the bible every day. I cannot know God and not know what the bible, his written word, says. He speaks to our hearts in every situation through the scriptures if we open ourselves to listen. Scriptural gems will be posts on how the scriptures are speaking to me. I am excited to share some of the insights I get. Understand this isn’t an in depth exegesis or analysis or study of scripture. It is simply my response to what a particular scripture says and how I feel about. I don’t claim that my feelings will always be right but that is the beauty of a relationship of Christ…we can grow!

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Better in 2012

One of my Facebook friends made a great observation. She said she was reading through her news feed and noticed how happy, excited, full of praise and gratitude everyone is today...New Year's Day!

It is like when the gray winter gives way to the fresh greenery of spring. Everyone is optimistic and welcomes positive change!


"BRAVE enough to be me" is going to change in 2012. A few couple of simple changes that I hope with make this a better publication and me a better BRAVER me!

1. I will post at least twice a week. That will be 8 new commentaries a month...get ready! :)
2. I will start a new series called "Scripture Gems". This series will be journal like entries on how bible scriptures are speaking to me and how what is like trying to apply the scriptural gems in my life.

I am excited and hope you continue with me on my journey in discovering the victories of and struggles of accepting myself.

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

New Years Resolutions need something...

As we bring 2011 to a final close, most people are hopeful and excited about the possibilities the upcoming year will bring. We all at some level think about what we'll do differently. We ponder, even for a brief moment, our contribution to the world in the past year.


The hope of the new year can not be seen more clearly than at my part time job at Weight Watchers. I have been a receptionist for WW for almost a year. In 2010 I lost 25 lbs on the program and began working for them in Jan 2011.

This morning, as I was getting ready to work at WW, I realized that for the 2nd year in a row, I am not making a resolution to lose weight. I am at a healthy BMI and I don't need to lose. It is an exhilarating feeling to be able to say "I am not fat" and it be true!

When I got to work, I overheard a member in our meeting room talk about how ashamed she felt because she had "fallen off the wagon" and had a significant weight gain. She lamented about whether to come to the meeting because she knew she gained.

Her voice was cloaked in multiple layers of anger, shame, sadness, and despair. "It surprised me how quickly my old habits, came back when my circumstances threw me for a loop", she recapped.

As I leaned against the back wall of the room, tears came to my eyes. I remember felling the EXACT same way several times on my weight loss journey. There was a member in the room who lost 166lbs on WW and has kept it off 5 yrs and every Saturday she is faithfully at the meetings.

These women are the reason I work for hardly any money for the company; to help and be inspired by men and women like them. Often people look at me and assume because of my size I don't have an issue with weight. How wrong they are1 When I go to a meeting I know that everyone in that room is or has felt everything I every have about food, weight, and body image. 

I love my husband and he loves me but he has never had an improper relationship with food. He was an athlete most of his and has retained his thin frame up til now. There is a bond I share with the men and women in the meeting that is unlike anything else. I knew exactly how that lady felt and so did every single person in that room. She did a BRAVE thing by coming to the meeting to face her weight gain and to get back on track.

This is the power in accountability and support! Whenever you are trying to make a change, especially for the better, you need people who can cheer you on and tell you the truth. We lie to easily to ourselves. We let ourselves off the hook one time too many.

Our society doesn't like accountability. Let's be honest! We like to tell other they need to do but we mistakenly feel like we don't need someone telling us what to do. We don't want someone pointing out that we messed up or missed the mark. That is not healthy!

A lack of accountability is a breeding ground for lies, bondage, shame, and cover ups!

Accountability says, "I am going to ask you the tough questions about how you are really doing on that goal" and support says, "when you are struggling I will encourage you to keep going."

When I was a member trying to lose my weight, I HATED two things: getting on that scale each week and tracking what I ate. Those two things are the hallmark of the program. 

I hated it because it made me accountable...and to strangers no less. Ugh! I didn't want those people judging me based on some number on the scale and I didn't have to track everything I ate after all I am not completely out of control! That was an example of the ways we lie and justify why don't do what we are suppose to. I have to face the reality. The reality was my choices were determining my outcome and needed to make better choices. The truth is the scale, my tracker, my leader, and everyone else in that room was routing for me! They weren't against me. Accountability is our biggest cheer leader.

I don't say this to plug Weight Watchers this new year. I say this as an encouragement.

Whatever goals you are committing to do in 2012, I encourage you to include an accountability and support system. Take the time to prepare to make changes. Studies show that when you prepare for a change the change is more likely to stick and is more easily adapted into your routine.

I'll be posting soon about some changes I am making in 2012. Until then...


Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Ode to "the girls"

You once looked up to the sun with a smile and fierceness.
You walked with your head held up.
It is didn't matter whether you sported an A or a Double D.
You knew who you were
But of late your countencance has been glum and sad.

Like a weeping willow tree you droop your head.
You seemed to have lost the luster you once had.
What happened?
A little one that needed your maternal goodness?
Perhaps the wisdom of your years have drained you
Maybe you met with ailment
Maybe you are perfectly fine but this imperfect world has warped your mind

Once perky and bright
Now frailer and light
Regardless of your apperance and why,
the work you do makes me thrive.
How you've nourished, how you've loved, and have been loved.

And I just had to write your this corny ode for my precious doves!

Christmas Follow Up

Christmas was four days off. What in the world were we going to have for Christmas dinner? Hmmm? Since we had turkey for Thanksgiving, maybe we could have ham. But wait! My husband doesn’t like ham. Hmmm. Maybe I can roast a chicken?!?!

Christmas comes around the same time every year and every year I am debating the same question. Then it hit me. I looked at my husband and said, “You know what I really want for Christmas dinner? I want my mom’s famous fried chicken.” His eyes lit up because he loves his mother in laws fried chicken too. My mom agreed to make it. My husband made his famous mashed potatoes. And I made a side of buttery broccoli. It was the best dinner!

Afterward my husband said “that was the best dinner. I am glad we didn’t try to be traditional for tradition sake."

This is just one example of how I learned to shape our holiday season around our family instead of trying to force our family into the preset “perfect” holiday.  Letting go of my expectations of finding a magical Christmas moment paved the way for a truly great time with my family. My oldest son and I made a ginger bread house. My husband read the story of Christmas tour kids in front of a glowing Christmas tree. My mom and I danced to the Motown Christmas CD while my sons and hubs looked at us like the sillies we were.

After my post on not letting wrong expectations ruin your christmas , I had a friend send me a long message about how she had struggled with unrealistic expectations. Her email poured forth how she was brave enough to let go of unrealistic expectations.

Her bravery surrounded her expectations as a 2^nd time mom. In summary, her first child, whom she loved dearly, was a fussy baby and she thought surely my second child won’t be that way. Well her second child was just as fussy if not more fussy than her first. She was embarrassed and wondering why she couldn’t have a kid who slept through the night or even didn’t cry for 20 out of the 24 hrs of the day.

She was brave enough to accept that it is foolishness to compare our experiences to others and by continuing to do so she would miss out on the sweet moments her second child brought her. I applaud her!

Unrealistic Expectations can RUIN your Christmas

There is nothing like watching a holiday movie to get you in the spirit of the holidays. Holiday movies appeal to us because they often have happy endings. The family is reunited in time for the big holiday dinner or the girl and boy discover they are right for each other afterall. These movies leaves us feeling as warm and comforted as the hot mugs of cocoa we drink while watching.


After all "its the most wonderful time of the year". At least it is suppose to be, right!?!? Don't worry! This post isn't going to be the metaphorical Scrooge to those of you who are enjoying your holiday season.

This post, like all of them, is about the lesson I learned while pretending to be happy during Christmas time. As a Christian, this is out biggest "witnessing" opportunity of the year. I believe in the biblical story of Christmas. While I don't know if Jesus was actually born in December, it doesn't matter to me. The savior of the world was born and that is why I celebrate Christmas. I am grateful for what his brith meant to my future and the future of mankind. So naturally this would be enough to bring me joy during the holidays. But alas...it wasn't. I can't tell you the guilt I felt being a Christian who was secretly sad on Christmas.

I learned the source of my sadness came from mismanaged expectations. Like the cheesy Christmas movies I loved to watch, I wanted just once in my year for all to be "be calm and bright"; to have that perfect Christmas. You know that one I'm talkin about. The one where snow blankets the lawn, cookies are homemade, and the family gets together and just gushes the love on each other.

My reality is that I rarely see my family during the holidays. In my adult life, I can count on two hands the number of Christmases I spent with my mother. It isn't that I have a strained relationship with my mom, not at all. She and I are very close. It's just circumstances have kept us apart. My friends don't host Christmas parties at their house. I don't work, so there is no office Christmas party to look forward too, or from what I've seen, NOT look forward to. I have never really had a Christmas traditions to look forward to.

So each time Christmas comes around, I hope, like the protagonist in my Christmas movies, that something magically or miraculous would happen this year. I anticipate that some joyous feeling would wash over me and instantly transplant me into the atmosphere of my Christmas movie.

I think...
"maybe this will be the year I can be with my extended family?"
" Maybe this year we'll play those board games."
"Maybe this year we'll bake cookies."
"Maybe this year we'll be invited to a friend's Christmas party.
"Maybe this year I can afford to buy all my friends presents.
"Maybe this year I will receive a gift that just blows my mind"
"Maybe this year I'll host a big christmas party and we can get all dressed up"
Every year, I had this list of how I wanted Christmas to go but it never went that way. And when Christmas finally did arrive, it was a let down. I mean come on....after all that build up...the sales...the lines...the shopping...the music...the plays....the christmas programs...and I got socks!

Unmet expectation can quickly turn into demands if they are consistent unmet.And unecessary demands will cause stress and yes even sadness. What started off as a simple wish; "wouldn't it be nice to bake cookies for the neighbors this year" can easily turn into "Gosh darn it, we are going to bake these dang cookies and be happy about it. Now shut up and stir!"


The BRAVE lesson was that I had to manage and reframe my expectations of this ONE day of the year.

Manage
Our family rarely gets together during the holidays so this year, I'll make Skype dates so I can see those I care about. I don't have to go into dept trying to prove to my family and friends how much they mean to me. I can reflect on the ways I have proven it thus far, and then think of new ways to prove it next year. I love hand written letters, nothing like a heartfelt note to say I love you.

Reframe
Instead of wanting Christmas to fit into a premade mold, I'll  look to mold myself into Christmas. I'll examine what is really important for me and my family and we'll wrap ourselves around that. Once I remake the mold, Christmas can be a stress free joyous occasion for us each year.

This year my mom will be with us for Christmas. YAY! We might spend our days in our pjs. We might not make a big hoiday meal. We might not get or give the best presents. But we'll mold this time of year to fit us, not the other way around. This might be the first time in a long time I will really genuinely enjoy this season. I hope you do too!

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia