I remember after I wrote, I reread it and was immediately discouraged. The joy and excitement that I had experienced mere seconds before were replaced by excuses and fear. Like a tidal wave, the excuses him and immediately I was drowing in the face of my reality. Needless to say I didn't do anything on that list that year. I've kept the list and when I am feeling BRAVE I review and then wait to see what feelings overtake me.
Two years ago, I reviewed the list and felt the vines of boldness creep up my back and plant itself on my shoulders. I thought why have I been telling myself I can't do these things.
My personality type is one that dreams big but doesn't see the path to get to the dream. When I looked at the list of would be achievements, I only saw them in their fully developed, fully realized states, best case scenario states. I would look at my dream business then look at the dirty diaper on the floor waiting to be deposited in the bin and wonder how I could ever bridge the two. Well no wonder I felt discouraged.
Fully equiped with boldness and fresh perspective from my counselor I gave myself permission to start working toward a goal; specifically, starting my own business.
The BRAVE lesson in this was recgoninzing that starting small can be the biggest thing I can do. Why? Because it allows me to start. If I try to go big right out the gate, most likely I'd never get off the ground. After much thought, prayer,a nd research this week I am humbled to say, I am launching my own business. The full business launch won't happen until the end of this year but one phase of it is ready and happens this week. AND I was able to offer someone a job! I have tackled something that, in the words of my late grandmother, "scared the living daylights outta me."
The hardest part about starting my business was dealing with all the internal junk involved in discovering what mattered most. I wanted to be able to rent office space, have a receptionist, a top notch website, and the latest and greatest gadgets. I wanted to "look" successful. I erroroneously thought that if I did it big, God would be best glorifyied. I wanted to make God look good and thought being a success in the way society defines it would do that. The truth was that deep inside, i wanted to all those things to make myself look good in the hopes that I might believe that I am good enough. The bible says that God will lead me in truimph (2Cor2:14), but I learned that my idea of triump and God's idea of triump have to be aligned.
Triumph to God is overcoming something that used to overcome you. Being obsessed with my public image used to overcome me, but not anymore. I feared that people wouldn't get it, heck! Half the time I didn't get it. Now I see all these years that God was leading me in the way of triumph by exposing and expelling the hidden agendas, the secret desires, the pride, and the shame that was keeping me from going after a dream.
My grand opening won't make the papers, and there will be little Facebook flourish. As I mentioned in previous post on New Year's resolutions, I am writing about it to be held accountable and ask for support. I am also writing about it to encourage you. Hopefully the right person will read this and tak away a nugget that will cause their boldness to bud.
When you put yourself out there to start something new, you have TONS of reason not to do it. I have listened to those reasons long enough. Some risks are just worth taking.
Wholeheartedly me,
Julia
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