What I learned from Red Tails: It's not what you think

Red Tails is the latest film adaptation of the true events about the Tuskegee Airmen: the first group of all black fighter pilots in the US armed forces. The movie opens with a quote from the 1925 military study.

"Blacks are mentally inferior and by nature subservient, and thus are unfit for combat".



I'll be the first to admit that when I read that on the screen I had two reactions. First, I was angry. Second, I was concerned.

It is pretty obvious why I was angry so I won't go into that. But my concern was over how the black struggle for equality was going to be portrayed in this movie.

Would it be portrayed in a way that oversimplified the struggled in an attempt to make white audiences feel less uncomfortable? Or would it over emphasize the struggle by harping on the harshest and most extreme cases of prejudice, bigotry, and violence leaving all audiences emotionally battered?

I think it accomplished a nice balance so go see it! There! I didn't spoil anything for you.

I walked out of the theater feeling strangely patriotic and proud to be America...not African American so much but just American. Of course I am proud to be Black. In the words of Jerry Maguire "I love Black people." Usually these types of movie stirs up the inner Black Power in anyone, but that wasn't the case for me. I was struck by hugely American this film was and how proud I am to be an American not despite our flaws....but because of them!

Let me explain. Let's just be real. We all know the history of racial prejudice in this country. We have either experienced it first hand or we have heard or read about it. It is something we aren't proud of so we try to minimize it. 

Well how can we ever change and grow if we don't talk openly? Not with attitude, but with understanding.

The BRAVE lesson I discovered was there is power in helping people who you don't like and who don't like you.

The truth is we barely know the people we don't like. We know just enough about them to say we don't like them and then the learning stops there.

The Bible even says there is nothing special about loving people who love you. Anybody can do that. That takes no real challenge.

It takes humility, selflessness, (two words we don't like) and courage to act in a way that benefits a foe or enemy. But doing so produces a greatness that is indescribable. It deepens our ability to be compassionate. It broadens our perspective. It magnifies our ability to love others. Basically, it expands our ability to change.

I guess that is why I felt so proud to be Americans after the movie. Though we dislike a lot of people; though we get a lot wrong; every now and then Americans take a moment to do something that benefits people we don't like. And when we do that positive change follows. It might not be quick and it will be met with resistance. But it wouldn't be the American way if it didn't.

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Stretching myself to volunteer

I will be the first to admit that I don't like volunteering! I know! I know! Serving others is something that we should all strive to do. But I have to be honest.

I have been forced, guilted, and even shamed into serving others so many times that the idea of doing it on my own free will was preposterous!

Top 3 things that tick me off about volunteering:

1. They never know when to stop asking! As soon as I agree to help with project A, I feel rope into in helping with projects B-K. Then my people pleasing side doesn't want to say no because after all, they are short on volunteers.
2. Disorganization! A lot of places do not know how to manage their volunteers in a way that maximizes the labor force while simultaneously creating the much needed sense of accomplishment in the volunteer. There are too many mass calls for laborers and not enough structure on how to divy that labor.
3. Feeling inadequate! Be honest, does sweeping the walk or washing the dishes way really help in the grand scheme of things? The organizations I care about have BIG needs. I want to help in BIG ways. Do my meager custodial or culinary or very bad gardening skills really make a difference in the lives of the men, women, and children who are struggling to preserve theirs?

Despite the tarnishes of my previous experiences with volunteering, the preciousness of that gem never escaped me.

So for the last two years I have secretly prayed and thought about volunteering in a way that marries the value and the postive experience of volunteering happily. There are so many great non-profit organizations and community projects worthy of my attention and my time. The quandary for me was when, where, and how.

Some where along the way, I convinced myself that I had nothing to offer people who were "less fortunate" because I have not walked in their shoes. I even thought my lack of struggle in life would be an offense to them. 

We've all seen that show or movie in which the well meaning (and in some cases not so well meaning) volunteer showed up around the holidays or by court order only to be confronted by some shelter resident who chides the volunteer for being there today and gone tomorrow. I didn't want that to be me. I didn't want to be seen as some bougie (pronounced boo-zhee) suburban chick giving pittance to the po'folk.

I had to make choice. I could cower under the fictious tent of  "what-ifs" based on my keenly reliable mind reading skills. Or I could take of control of the things over which I had control and partake in an experience that is priceless.

In my post titled "Psst...you matter", I reference one of my favorite quotes Nelson Mandela used. He says "....There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you...And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I decided to take control. What do I have control over? My preferences and schedule.

The BRAVE lesson I learned was that it is ok, and even healthy to set boundaries even when in service to others.

I can not serve to the best of my ability under guilt and obligation because I overcommited myself because I was afraid to say no. There is a time and a place for us to inconvenience ourselves for others but it is unwise and unhealthy to chronically do so. 

I am going to be volunteering at a home for women recovering from drug and alcohol addiction. I have never struggled with being homeless and/or being addicted to drug or alcohol. So I have no ideas what they'll think of me and worrying about it is a waste of time. Hopefully as I let my light shine, I can encourage someone to do the same.

I can set boundaries by:

• practicing the law of prior choice. My husband and I will decide ahead of time how much time I can realistically spend volunteering. That way I can avoid the people pleasing impulse to work longer than I should.
• aligning my strengths with their needs. Instead of doing something because it needs to be done, I will do things that are in line with my interests and passions. That way everyone benefits.
• saying "No". If I can't do it, I am going to say no and NOT offer a drawn out explanation that is fueled by feeling guilty. As women, we say no but then we feel we have to "soften" our no with an explanation about why we said no.

These small steps now, can make for a smooth, and dare I say it, enjoyable transition into volunterism.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Banishing Insecurties

Insecurities are like roaches. You think they are gone but if you expose a hidden area, they surface.

Some of you have made goals this year. To lose weight; exercise more; manage money better; get out of a negative relationship; go back to school; etc.

How are you doing on those? Did you find the minute you decided to make a change for the better, you ran smack into your giant wall of insecurities or self doubt? Maybe your insecurities came out the mouth of a well meaning friend or a maybe out of the mouth of someone who doesn't wish you well. 

 

In my post "some risks are worth taking", I revealed that I started a business. At the time of the post, I was so happy to be able to fulfill a dream of mine. In fact, two more business opportunities came my way within the first week of launch. I immediately went from an ecstatic "I did it" to a worrisome "what have I done?"

I ended that post saying I wasn't going to listen to all the doubts I had. I listened far too long. But yet there I was again. Listening, watering, and giving too much attention to those doubts.

The Apostle Paul wrote in Roman 7:15 about being disgusted that the things he wants to do he doesn't do and the thing he hates doing, he does. How I can relate!

Why is when we are striving for the things we want most in our lives we can't escape wondering can I really do this? I mean surely God can just take it away, right? Sure, but what will I learn?

I admit, when faced with pressure, conflict, or uncomfortable situations, I have the tendency to retreat! That is my first instinct. The BRAVE lesson I am learning (because I certainly haven't master it yet) is that wanting to retreat and retreating are two different things.

When I feel the desire to retreat, I usually beat myself up for feeling that way...which then adds more pressure...which causes me to want to retreat even further. However, no harm has been done because I merely "wanted to". The harm comes when I actually retreat.

There is an important distinction between the two. I might want to go hide under the covers when life gets to hard, but each time I am BRAVE enough to say I will not retreat, I am banishing my insecurities.

Notice that I titled this post "banishing" and not "banished". Banish means to compel to depart. It is not just semantics. For my grammar loving friends, check this out. The suffix 
" -ing" implies an active on going state. The ending  "-ed" implies completion or something is done.

I am in the active state of compelling lack of confidence and self doubt to depart!



We will NEVER rid ourselves of all insecurities! They are a part of being human. The question is how will we deal with them when they come up.

The more you practice telling your insecurities to "get out" ; "get tha steppin"; "beat it"; "scram" ; "get outta here"; etc, the easier it becomes for you to move past them and on towards your accomplishing your goals!

So how do you actively compel lack of confidence and self-doubt to depart?

• Acknowledge it. Don't deny that you are insecure. That only buries the problem. Admit it.
• Remember. Remember the times you walked in confidence and draw strength from knowing that if you did it once, you can do it again
• Get support. Tell someone you trust about your struggle and ask them to support you through it.

Let's keep up the fight. Though our goals may come and go, the person we become while pursuing our goals lasts forver!

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Black people don't do that: Stay in church for less than 2 hrs

(Note: this post is in a tongue in cheek look at this subject. So lighten up a little. Sometimes hard topics can breed good conversation when first approached with humor. I encourage you be BRAVE enough to comment and laugh... it's ok!)

I grew up in a small all black baptist church. Growing up you did nothing on Sunday except go to church....ALL day (especially if we had a special program)!

It wasn't until I got to college that I visited an all white church. It was complete culture shock!
I had no doubt that my white friends and their congregants loved Jesus and was commited to living a life that honored him...it was just they expressed it differently. Here are a few of my observations:

1. White church used a guitars in the music. The piano or the organ was the most prominent instrument in the joint. Then came the drums and then the tamborine
2. White church worship songs had nature metaphors and references. They sang about "deer panting for the water", about mountains and streams. In black church, we sang about how Jesus was going " help you pay your rent, and get clothes for your babies".
3. White church began and ended within 1.5 hrs. Black church started and ended when "the Holy Ghost said so"...translation...hours later. Comedian Gary Owens comments on his experience in an all black church

I always attributed the length of service as the number one reason I couldn't get people to come to church with me growing up...LOL!

Oh and for those who haven't had the experience of attending an all black service here is a little preview from the Color Purple. One of my favorite scenes!

What are some differences you noticed between Black and White churches?


Wholeheartedly me!

Julia

Some risks are worth taking

One of my lifelong goals was to own my own business. Unlike some, I never knew the type of business I wanted to own. All I knew was that I was fascinated by being able to offer someone a job. Several years ago, probably around new years, I made a list of things I wanted to do in my life. It wasn't a bucket list per se but just things I longed to do.
I remember after I wrote, I reread it and was immediately discouraged. The joy and excitement that I had experienced mere seconds before were replaced by excuses and fear. Like a tidal wave, the excuses him and immediately I was drowing in the face of my reality. Needless to say I didn't do anything on that list that year. I've kept the list and when I am feeling BRAVE I review and then wait to see what feelings overtake me.

Two years ago, I reviewed the list and felt the vines of boldness creep up my back and plant itself on my shoulders. I thought why have I been telling myself I can't do these things.

My personality type is one that dreams big but doesn't see the path to get to the dream. When I looked at the list of would be achievements, I only saw them in their fully developed, fully realized states, best case scenario states. I would look at my dream business then look at the dirty diaper on the floor waiting to be deposited in the bin and wonder how I could ever bridge the two. Well no wonder I felt discouraged.

Fully equiped with boldness and fresh perspective from my counselor I gave myself permission to start working toward a goal; specifically, starting my own business.

The BRAVE lesson in this was recgoninzing that starting small can be the biggest thing I can do. Why? Because it allows me to start. If I try to go big right out the gate, most likely I'd never get off the ground. After much thought, prayer,a nd research this week I am humbled to say, I am launching my own business. The full business launch won't happen until the end of this year but one phase of it is ready and happens this week. AND I was able to offer someone a job! I have tackled something that, in the words of my late grandmother, "scared the living daylights outta me."

The hardest part about starting my business was dealing with all the internal junk involved in discovering what mattered most. I wanted to be able to rent office space, have a receptionist, a top notch website, and the latest and greatest gadgets. I wanted to "look" successful. I erroroneously thought that if I did it big, God would be best glorifyied. I wanted to make God look good and thought being a success in the way society defines it would do that. The truth was that deep inside, i wanted to all those things to make myself look good in the hopes that I might believe that I am good enough. The bible says that God will lead me in truimph (2Cor2:14), but I learned that my idea of triump and God's idea of triump have to be aligned.

Triumph to God is overcoming something that used to overcome you. Being obsessed with my public image used to overcome me, but not anymore. I feared that people wouldn't get it, heck! Half the time I didn't get it. Now I see all these years that God was leading me in the way of triumph by exposing and expelling the hidden agendas, the secret desires, the pride, and the shame that was keeping me from going after a dream.
My grand opening won't make the papers, and there will be little Facebook flourish.  As I mentioned in previous post on New Year's resolutions, I am writing about it to be held accountable and ask for support. I am also writing about it to encourage you. Hopefully the right person will read this and tak away a nugget that will cause their boldness to bud.

When you put yourself out there to start something new, you have TONS of reason not to do it. I have listened to those reasons long enough. Some risks are just worth taking.

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Scriptural Gems: Intro

One thing I realized is that we all want to know God and yearn to be His friend and have a closeness with him but we disregard the way He designed that to happen. You can not know God without knowing the scriptures, the Word, the Bible...whatever term you want to use. Pure and simple. God has revealed so much of his thoughts, his character, his intentions, his advice, his commandments, his desires, what he wants, what we should do, how we should act, how we should think, how to treat adversity, how to treat abundance, etc, all in the scriptures but because of our own biases, deceptions, disappointment, or some other "bible toting" person actions, we diminish the power and necessity of the Bible for several reasons.


It is like saying I want to know how to make a cake but I don't want to look a recipe. We want others to tell us what to do, psychics, fortune cookies, friends. etc because that is a whole lot easier than pulling out the scriptures and spending time with God. Why do you think so many false prophets and money hungry televangelists have been so successful in this country. Because we'd rather rely or even pay for another to tell us about God than to discover him for ourselves.


The flip side to this error is the some have decided that as long as they have God they don't need other people. We don't need Jesus, a pastor, or teacher, or to go to church to be with other congregants. All we need is God. That isn't scriptural either. The bible is full of encouragement to get to know others, serve other, learn from each other, and teach others. We can't do that with a "lone ranger" attitude. Because in the course of being in community with others we see what about us needs to change.

I have decided that I can no longer rely on the every changing ideas of culture as an accurate source of guidance on what i should and should not do. It hasn't been working well for me. Cultural ideologies change too often and I need a foundation that will let me navigate what is worth my time and attention and what is not. 

In that vein, I have turned to the Bible for my source of wisdom. So I am beginning a new series I am calling Scriptural Gems. I have made the commitment to read the bible every day. I cannot know God and not know what the bible, his written word, says. He speaks to our hearts in every situation through the scriptures if we open ourselves to listen. Scriptural gems will be posts on how the scriptures are speaking to me. I am excited to share some of the insights I get. Understand this isn’t an in depth exegesis or analysis or study of scripture. It is simply my response to what a particular scripture says and how I feel about. I don’t claim that my feelings will always be right but that is the beauty of a relationship of Christ…we can grow!

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Better in 2012

One of my Facebook friends made a great observation. She said she was reading through her news feed and noticed how happy, excited, full of praise and gratitude everyone is today...New Year's Day!

It is like when the gray winter gives way to the fresh greenery of spring. Everyone is optimistic and welcomes positive change!


"BRAVE enough to be me" is going to change in 2012. A few couple of simple changes that I hope with make this a better publication and me a better BRAVER me!

1. I will post at least twice a week. That will be 8 new commentaries a month...get ready! :)
2. I will start a new series called "Scripture Gems". This series will be journal like entries on how bible scriptures are speaking to me and how what is like trying to apply the scriptural gems in my life.

I am excited and hope you continue with me on my journey in discovering the victories of and struggles of accepting myself.

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia