After all "its the most wonderful time of the year". At least it is suppose to be, right!?!? Don't worry! This post isn't going to be the metaphorical Scrooge to those of you who are enjoying your holiday season.
This post, like all of them, is about the lesson I learned while pretending to be happy during Christmas time. As a Christian, this is out biggest "witnessing" opportunity of the year. I believe in the biblical story of Christmas. While I don't know if Jesus was actually born in December, it doesn't matter to me. The savior of the world was born and that is why I celebrate Christmas. I am grateful for what his brith meant to my future and the future of mankind. So naturally this would be enough to bring me joy during the holidays. But alas...it wasn't. I can't tell you the guilt I felt being a Christian who was secretly sad on Christmas.
I learned the source of my sadness came from mismanaged expectations. Like the cheesy Christmas movies I loved to watch, I wanted just once in my year for all to be "be calm and bright"; to have that perfect Christmas. You know that one I'm talkin about. The one where snow blankets the lawn, cookies are homemade, and the family gets together and just gushes the love on each other.
My reality is that I rarely see my family during the holidays. In my adult life, I can count on two hands the number of Christmases I spent with my mother. It isn't that I have a strained relationship with my mom, not at all. She and I are very close. It's just circumstances have kept us apart. My friends don't host Christmas parties at their house. I don't work, so there is no office Christmas party to look forward too, or from what I've seen, NOT look forward to. I have never really had a Christmas traditions to look forward to.
So each time Christmas comes around, I hope, like the protagonist in my Christmas movies, that something magically or miraculous would happen this year. I anticipate that some joyous feeling would wash over me and instantly transplant me into the atmosphere of my Christmas movie.
I think...
"maybe this will be the year I can be with my extended family?"
" Maybe this year we'll play those board games."
"Maybe this year we'll bake cookies."
"Maybe this year we'll be invited to a friend's Christmas party.
"Maybe this year I can afford to buy all my friends presents.
"Maybe this year I will receive a gift that just blows my mind"
"Maybe this year I'll host a big christmas party and we can get all dressed up"
Every year, I had this list of how I wanted Christmas to go but it never went that way. And when Christmas finally did arrive, it was a let down. I mean come on....after all that build up...the sales...the lines...the shopping...the music...the plays....the christmas programs...and I got socks!
Unmet expectation can quickly turn into demands if they are consistent unmet.And unecessary demands will cause stress and yes even sadness. What started off as a simple wish; "wouldn't it be nice to bake cookies for the neighbors this year" can easily turn into "Gosh darn it, we are going to bake these dang cookies and be happy about it. Now shut up and stir!"
The BRAVE lesson was that I had to manage and reframe my expectations of this ONE day of the year.
Manage
Our family rarely gets together during the holidays so this year, I'll make Skype dates so I can see those I care about. I don't have to go into dept trying to prove to my family and friends how much they mean to me. I can reflect on the ways I have proven it thus far, and then think of new ways to prove it next year. I love hand written letters, nothing like a heartfelt note to say I love you.
Reframe
Instead of wanting Christmas to fit into a premade mold, I'll look to mold myself into Christmas. I'll examine what is really important for me and my family and we'll wrap ourselves around that. Once I remake the mold, Christmas can be a stress free joyous occasion for us each year.
This year my mom will be with us for Christmas. YAY! We might spend our days in our pjs. We might not make a big hoiday meal. We might not get or give the best presents. But we'll mold this time of year to fit us, not the other way around. This might be the first time in a long time I will really genuinely enjoy this season. I hope you do too!
Wholeheartedly me,
Julia
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