Psssst...guess what? You matter!

Thump-Thump....thump-thump....thump-thump!

That is my lame attempt to mimic the sound of a beating heart. I won't try to "onomatopoeia" the sound of a fetal heart beat on the heart rate monitor...which is still my favorite sound in the world!

I was in bed getting ready to fall asleep. I was thinking about all the dreams and goals I have for myself. I was getting bummed because it doesn't seem like I am any closer to any of them. Yet they are forever in my mind. Innocently, I cuddled up to "the hubs" and laid my head on his chest...thinking...wondering do I matter in this world. As I was pondering this question for the millionth time in my life, my mind went quiet and all I heard was my husbands heart beat.

Thump-thump....thump thump...thump-thump... 

Of course, I matter in this world. The problem we may face is trying to define the scope of our world. Somewhere along the line we began falsely believing that in order to "matter" we had to do or be something or someone "big". That we had to be famous, prosperous, or formally honored.

So this goes out to the overlooked. The underestimated, the insecure, the overachiever...you matter. Why? because you have a beating heart...which means you are alive!

I know there are so many people secretly wondering if their best is good enough. "Isn't there more to life than just...this?"  People in various stages of life, socioeconomic status, and education levels all wondering...do I matter? People who have nether access or means to a computer to even read this and be encouraged wondering; do I matter? People who by many societal definitions are successful; wondering do I matter?

Perhaps you changed poop all day today, or you closed the big deal you've been working on for months. Perhaps nothing particularly noteworthy happened in your day at all. That doesn't mean you don't matter. You matter to others and most importantly, you matter to God.

So the BRAVE moment for me wasn't realizing that I matter, but telling others that they do. I am putting an end to that question for myself and opening up to let you know that you matter to me and whole heck of a lot more people!

I have BIG, BRAVE dreams. I truly believe my life's mission is to help people have a better relationship, with God, themselves, and others.  Figuring out what that looks like is a challenge, I'll admit. In addition to my mission I have this creative side that is untapped...which is why I write, dance, and teach zumba. I also have this entrepreneurial side. I want to be in the position to employ people one day.

Sometimes I have so much in my head I think where do I start? Who is going to give me my big break? Who is going to chance on me, or back me? I was always looking for permission before attempting a venture.

Well bump that! I am going to take a chance on me. I am going to have to forge my open door.

I have always loved this quote from Marianne Williamson, made famous by Nelson Mandela

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Your playing small does not serve the world. Now let's get something straight here. When I see the words "playing small", it is not a reflection on the size, profitability, or "renown-ness" of your output. Focusing on size, flash, and money has landed too many of us in "woe-is-me-dom". We say I'll never be as big as... (fill in the blank) and don't even attempt to try something.

Do I want you to be a starving artist? Absolutely not. But just because you don't have a book deal shouldn't keep you from finishing your book. Don't be afraid to start small. Audition for that play or gig. Invite the supervisor to dinner. Eat on the good dishes. Sign up for the 5k. Ask her out on a date. Work on the business plan. Go back to school. You'll be surprised at how liberated you will feel. While I don't encourage reckless abandon of all responsibilities for the sake of your dreams, I do encourage focused, purposeful pursuit of them.

And while you are now thinking about pursuing them, consider your own heartbeat. When you think of that thing, goal, passion, desire, vision....notice your heartbeat. It skips when you think of it. It sings when you think of it. It pumps faster and faster and faster. It is your internal cheerleader saying, "Do it! Do it! Do it!"

Some of you may go on to become the next household name. Most of us, will not. Don't let that be the measuring stick of your success. Yes, it is scary but in the words of Joyce Meyer, "Do it afraid"! You will have set back, figure out how you'll stay motivated in the face of adversity. What is your plan to keep going? Maybe its reading the business section, magazine, tweets, or blog post before going to bed once a week to learn how to be a successful business owner of a business you don't yet have.

Take a step... and then another one, and another one, and another....and notice how your own heartbeat will be cheering you on saying "See, you matter!"

Let me know what steps you are going to take and I'll do the same!

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Addicted to Self

There is a strange addiction that is going unspoken in our country. It flies beneath the radar and no one is acknowledging it. It is destroying many people but there is no news story to cover it.

I am talking about addiction to self.

I had to address this addiction for its damaging effects on all of us. We live in a society, especially Americans, that is obsessed and dare I say addicted to self. Self addiction is the over obsessession, concern for, and conscious effort to please, satisify, indulge, and gratify our bodies and mental fantasies.

Self addiction causes us to forsake all other virtues and people and place our selves at the center of the universe. Suddenly, we all become the "sun" and everything revolves around us. Our conflicts in the world then come when someone or something dares to say, "It isn't about you".

Self addictions cause us to reject religions like Christianity that purport that the highest calling in life is NOT self actualization but to deny one's self and be more like Christ.

Self addiction causes us to think we can eat and consume anything that tastes good or makes me feel good regardless of the outcome. Thus the obesity epidemic, drug addiction, porn usage, sexually transmitted infections and diseases.

Self addiction causes us to relax standards of hard work, ethical behavior, and honesty for what instantly produces the result we want in the fastest possible way. Thus corruption, fraud, political posturing.

Self addiction cause us to be and remain financially illiterate and overly indebted. After all, having the iPad2 and 3D tv is more important that leaving a financial legacy or trust for our children.

Self addiction causes us to purposfully not see the hungry, hurting, and oppressed because it makes us realize how selfish we are. Thus we do good only at Thanksgiving or Christmas time to make up for 10 or 11 months of the year we focused on pleasing ourselves.

Self addiction causes us to encourage others to "be themselves", "stay that way", "don't change for anybody" and be proud even if that self is godless, destructive, two-faced, or greedy. Afterall if we don't tell other they have to change, no one will tell us we have to change.

Self addiction causes us to view the unborn, diasbled or challenged as disposable if their presence is a threat to our future, our comfort, or our pursuits.

I think the addiction to self is the biggest plight on our society today. I am fearful of the world my sons are growing up in. A world that tells them that being famous, chasing that paper, and get all you can are worthy goals to pursue. You don't have to work hard. Just do enough. You don't have to be the best. Just get by.

I realize the irony of my writing about self addiction because after all this blog is all about ME! I struggle with the penetrating ideologies of self addiction too. I am not above the influence looking down at ye mere mortals in a disapproving nod. No! I am a mere mortal, who is examining her world and questioning it. I encourage you to re-read Introducing to understand that there is a certain kind of me that I am aspiring to become. One that doesn't put self on a pedestal but dares to knock it off and see others.

In my blog philosophy, I try not to address a problem without attempting to offer solutions. I aim for bulleted points to help overcome the problems. But this issue is so deeply embedded, I am having a hard time trying to rise above it myself. So I will ask you, dear reader, assuming you agree with my observations...

How can we break free from self addiction? Leave a comment with your suggestions and I'll do a follow up post with your answers.

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Do you think I am fat?

"Do you think I am fat?"  " Does this make me look fat?"    "Is my butt too big?"

Raise your hand if you ever asked this question to someone. (WOW! Everyone's hand went up)

I have asked my husband those or very similiar questions throughout our 10yr relationship. He has alsways passed the test by answering correctly :)

Recently I asked my mom if she she thought I was fat. Without hesitation she said, yes! More surprised than dejected I replied,  "Oh, well thanks for being honest". And she said, "Yes, you are Pretty Hot And Tempting" (PHAT). We had a little chuckle over that but it got me to thinking.

Why do we ask questions like these? Especially when we already know the answers. Are we looking for validation? Are we looking to get a ego stroke? Are we waiting for someone to tell us the truth?

If you think about it, it is a pointless question to pose to others. You put them in a no win situation anyway. My husband rolls his eyes when I ask him. It just frustrates him because he doesn't "win" whichever way he answers. If she says yes you are fat, he is labeled insenstive. If he says no you aren't fat, he is labeled a flatterer and I won't believe him anyway.

I am pondering this now because since I have moved to our new city, I have gained about 5lbs. I can see it on my body. So maybe I thought if I asked others if they see and they say no, then maybe I am just being hard on myself. Maybe it is just my body image distortion showing up.

After the latest exchange with my mom, I decided not to ask that question anymore. Nothing good comes from it. If I am overweight or gaining weight, then I will do something about it. But here is the BRAVE lesson in this.

I will not let 5lbs or the size of my thighs or my arm flab or belly roll dictate my opinion of myself.

I am convinced now more than ever that our opinions of ourselves must to rooted in characteristics that are eternal and not temporal. Proverbs 31:30 says that beauty is fleeting, but a woman (or man) who fears God is to be praised. That passage lets me know that is more important for us to strive to improve our character and legacy. Being a person of truth, integrity,and hard work is more rare now than being good looking.

Does this mean we shouldn't take care of our bodies? Of course not. I have found that my biggest character growth has come while trying to care for this body. When you are trying to eat right, excercise, or lose weight, your inner character flaws and shortcomings show up right away. They tell to quit. They tell you to start tomorrow. They tell you, you've done enough for the day. Just watch The Biggest Loser to see this. The contestants uncover the charcter issues that led to their weight gains in the first place. And part of becoming stronger physically is becoming stronger mentally.

So long mind games! I don't need to ask if I am fat ever again.

I know the answer to that question...and more importantly I know that I am developing:

                                          

                                               patience

kindness

                                              love

                             joyfulness

                                selflessness

humility

                                                                                  strength

                                                         self controll

These are gonna last a lot longer than my pant size!

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Quiet

You escape me in this day and age of rush and hurry

wind and fury.

Yet I can not stop my pursuit of you.

You are a conducive agent.

I see that now.

Having you means more.

it means clarity and focus.

it means effortless. it means time and opportunity

it means planning and rest.

Relief.

I sit. I close my eyes. You embrace me, entice me, and ignite me.

Now my friend, I notice you are two faced.

There is a difference in you in the morning and at night

you are truly different.

In the morning you are full of anticipation and eagerness. You are planned and focused.

In the evening, you are calm, serene.

Truth be told I like you better at night. But I need your morning offering too

You demand nothing from me.

I can just BE.

Thank you for finding your way through the brambles, through the mire, through the never ending maze of my modern life.

But you didn't come alone...you brought sanity with you.