Stretching myself to volunteer

I will be the first to admit that I don't like volunteering! I know! I know! Serving others is something that we should all strive to do. But I have to be honest.

I have been forced, guilted, and even shamed into serving others so many times that the idea of doing it on my own free will was preposterous!

Top 3 things that tick me off about volunteering:

1. They never know when to stop asking! As soon as I agree to help with project A, I feel rope into in helping with projects B-K. Then my people pleasing side doesn't want to say no because after all, they are short on volunteers.
2. Disorganization! A lot of places do not know how to manage their volunteers in a way that maximizes the labor force while simultaneously creating the much needed sense of accomplishment in the volunteer. There are too many mass calls for laborers and not enough structure on how to divy that labor.
3. Feeling inadequate! Be honest, does sweeping the walk or washing the dishes way really help in the grand scheme of things? The organizations I care about have BIG needs. I want to help in BIG ways. Do my meager custodial or culinary or very bad gardening skills really make a difference in the lives of the men, women, and children who are struggling to preserve theirs?

Despite the tarnishes of my previous experiences with volunteering, the preciousness of that gem never escaped me.

So for the last two years I have secretly prayed and thought about volunteering in a way that marries the value and the postive experience of volunteering happily. There are so many great non-profit organizations and community projects worthy of my attention and my time. The quandary for me was when, where, and how.

Some where along the way, I convinced myself that I had nothing to offer people who were "less fortunate" because I have not walked in their shoes. I even thought my lack of struggle in life would be an offense to them. 

We've all seen that show or movie in which the well meaning (and in some cases not so well meaning) volunteer showed up around the holidays or by court order only to be confronted by some shelter resident who chides the volunteer for being there today and gone tomorrow. I didn't want that to be me. I didn't want to be seen as some bougie (pronounced boo-zhee) suburban chick giving pittance to the po'folk.

I had to make choice. I could cower under the fictious tent of  "what-ifs" based on my keenly reliable mind reading skills. Or I could take of control of the things over which I had control and partake in an experience that is priceless.

In my post titled "Psst...you matter", I reference one of my favorite quotes Nelson Mandela used. He says "....There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you...And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I decided to take control. What do I have control over? My preferences and schedule.

The BRAVE lesson I learned was that it is ok, and even healthy to set boundaries even when in service to others.

I can not serve to the best of my ability under guilt and obligation because I overcommited myself because I was afraid to say no. There is a time and a place for us to inconvenience ourselves for others but it is unwise and unhealthy to chronically do so. 

I am going to be volunteering at a home for women recovering from drug and alcohol addiction. I have never struggled with being homeless and/or being addicted to drug or alcohol. So I have no ideas what they'll think of me and worrying about it is a waste of time. Hopefully as I let my light shine, I can encourage someone to do the same.

I can set boundaries by:

• practicing the law of prior choice. My husband and I will decide ahead of time how much time I can realistically spend volunteering. That way I can avoid the people pleasing impulse to work longer than I should.
• aligning my strengths with their needs. Instead of doing something because it needs to be done, I will do things that are in line with my interests and passions. That way everyone benefits.
• saying "No". If I can't do it, I am going to say no and NOT offer a drawn out explanation that is fueled by feeling guilty. As women, we say no but then we feel we have to "soften" our no with an explanation about why we said no.

These small steps now, can make for a smooth, and dare I say it, enjoyable transition into volunterism.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia