In an early episode of Mad Men, January Jones' character decides to go see a psychiatrist. Someone in the episode said getting "psychoanalyzed" is the "in" thing to do.
...for rich white people maybe.
Black people don't get professional help with emotional or pychological problems. We pray, "church" it away, talk it away, or just ignore it altogether.
To this day, it is still a stigma in the black community to seek a counselor, shrink, psychologist or any type of professional therapist. But why? A couple things come to my mind
1. Money: Therapy costs money and if faced with dropping $100 an hour to shrink or getting groceries, therapy hasn't a fighting chance. There are some socioeconomic issues that are really there. But many jobs offer employee mental health benefits; some for free.
2. Pride: Black people have a reputation to uphold as strong and self sufficient. Perhaps because of the history of blacks in this country, some feel that we don't have the luxury of appearing weak. This is especially for the black men out there. Please believe that seeking help is wisdom not weakness. There are some things you just can't do alone.
3. Cover up: We all know that something "ain't right" with pookie, man-man, uncle Joe, or Aunt Dee but we adapt to fit that. We wrap around and structure our lives to minimize the abnormality as much as we can. We cover or in some cases enable behaviors out of loyalty or even love. By covering up, you could hurting them or yourself more than you ever intended.
You can imagine my distress when I was hospitalized twice for an "unknown" medical condition. You can imagine my surprise when medical professional suggested I see a counselor because I was diagnosed with stress!
I have never heard of a such a diagnosis. I felt like a failure because I "needed" to go see a counselor. What was wrong with me? I was ashamed.
I feared that people would think I was crazy. What was wrong with me that I had difficulty handling the everyday of life? Millions of moms in the world can handle being a mom without going to the shrink, why can't I? Of course, I never spoke to millions of mom. Fear is illogical.
I can still hear my grandmother saying we don't air our dirty laundry. She heard her form her parents and so on and so on. So I understand that it is generational.
But here is my thing: If we don't air the dirty laundry, it won't ever get cleaned!
Airing the dirty laundry to cousin Tee Tee ain't gonna cut it. Well meaning friends and family who love you dearly can unintentionally keep you in bondage. They lack the skills, knowledge, or resources to help you rise above where you are. They only know what they know and if you are facing a situation that is bigger than you and them, you need help from someone with great knowledge, skills, and resources.
Am I saying that seeking professional help is the end all. NO! But I am saying it is worthy considering and a lot cheaper than medical bills, divorce, addiction, abuse, and funeral expenses!
Be brave enough to break the silence. Seek professional help and the situation doesn't have to be dire before you start. My counselor helped me identify what I was fighting and then gave me some strategies to help fight it.
I am not ashamed about my journey or my counseling. Find a professional you'd be comfortable with. I wanted a female Christian counselor. Having a counselor who understood my faith and worldview made it easier for me to dive deep. It was important that my counselor hold the same beliefs so as we identified roots, we could pray for God's wisdom on how to uproot them and not replant bad seed. I couldn't do that on my own. My loving wonderful husband and great supportive friends couldn't help me there. It was a grueling 4 months of my life but I am reaping the rewards of that hard work now.
The next time someone says, "You need help"....seriously consider...."do I?"
Wholeheartedly me,
Julia
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