Black women are known for several things. We are heralded as strong and committed to family against all odds. We are also known for attitudes, rolling eyes and necks. What black women aren't known for? Being stay at homes. When you think of the stay at home soccer mom, you probably envision a mid 30s white woman. Not a black woman.
Well surprise! There are lots of us out there. So much so that there is even an online non profit dedicated to support black moms. The focus of this post is about the struggles I have with two specific images of being a black woman and being a stay at home. Two images rise in particular.
Struggle 1. I'm not as strong. Strong Black women are most often single parents who have to struggle to overcome all the odds to be the best for themselves and their kids. Of course I am generalizing to make a point....but what if you aren't a single mom. Imagine if you will.... a black man and black woman who are married with a good relationship and have children who were conceived and born during their marriage. No baby momma drama. No dead beat daddy issue. Are we really that rare in this day and age??!?!
I believe we have rallied around the single parent home and blended family home in the black community because they were getting a bad rap. Well its time to rally around and support the traditional nuclear family in the black community. It does take strength to deal with custody issues, financial issues, medical issues and the like as a single mom. I also know it takes strength to maintain and keep a good relationship going while raise children with integrity in todays world.
Struggle 2: I am not as black as my single parent couterparts. Really? Is blackness now defined by dysfunction and general sense of lack. I am not going to apologize for the blessings in my life. I celebrate it. To my sisters who are putting in the work everyday without father support...God bless you. Just as I am not better than the single mom, neither is the single mom better than me either because I do it with a spouse. Yes I depend on my husband for financial support. This notion flies in the face of the independent black woman who only relies on herself for financial support. Guess what? I like having a husband whom I look after and who looks after me and my kids.
Being a stay at home mom who happens to be black is a growing demographic and we face the same struggles that all moms face regardless of race or working status. I just want to start a conversation so that no one is ashamed of their current station in life. We don't have to put others down to feel better about ourselves. We can embrace the diversity of life and develop a greater appreciation for people in general...at least that is what I strive to teach my kids.
Here, here! We definitely need to support the traditional nuclear family in the black community. No disrespect to the single moms holding it down--God Bless you. But imagine, just for a moment, the power that would be unleashed if all of the energy it takes to overcome could be channeled into something else. I think it starts with empowering black men--when they're empowered they empower families and whole communities.
ReplyDeleteI have been the single mom, the married and working mom, the stay at home mom, the work at home mom, and now the homeschooling and working mom - all while being a black woman, and I don't find that any one is any easier or harder than the other. The challenges are just different. Does the media show stay at home black moms - not really - these days they don't show stay at home white moms either, because the story doesn't really sell anymore. The support is there for all types of black women - we are diverse and contrary to popular belief - we do support one another. I didn't feel any more special or appreciated as a single mom than I do as a married one, so you aren't missing anything! Glad you are brave enough to be you - blogging is an awesome outlet. Have fun!
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