Raise your hand if you ever asked this question to someone. (WOW! Everyone's hand went up)
I have asked my husband those or very similiar questions throughout our 10yr relationship. He has alsways passed the test by answering correctly :)
Recently I asked my mom if she she thought I was fat. Without hesitation she said, yes! More surprised than dejected I replied, "Oh, well thanks for being honest". And she said, "Yes, you are Pretty Hot And Tempting" (PHAT). We had a little chuckle over that but it got me to thinking.
Why do we ask questions like these? Especially when we already know the answers. Are we looking for validation? Are we looking to get a ego stroke? Are we waiting for someone to tell us the truth?
If you think about it, it is a pointless question to pose to others. You put them in a no win situation anyway. My husband rolls his eyes when I ask him. It just frustrates him because he doesn't "win" whichever way he answers. If she says yes you are fat, he is labeled insenstive. If he says no you aren't fat, he is labeled a flatterer and I won't believe him anyway.
I am pondering this now because since I have moved to our new city, I have gained about 5lbs. I can see it on my body. So maybe I thought if I asked others if they see and they say no, then maybe I am just being hard on myself. Maybe it is just my body image distortion showing up.
After the latest exchange with my mom, I decided not to ask that question anymore. Nothing good comes from it. If I am overweight or gaining weight, then I will do something about it. But here is the BRAVE lesson in this.
I will not let 5lbs or the size of my thighs or my arm flab or belly roll dictate my opinion of myself.
I am convinced now more than ever that our opinions of ourselves must to rooted in characteristics that are eternal and not temporal. Proverbs 31:30 says that beauty is fleeting, but a woman (or man) who fears God is to be praised. That passage lets me know that is more important for us to strive to improve our character and legacy. Being a person of truth, integrity,and hard work is more rare now than being good looking.
Does this mean we shouldn't take care of our bodies? Of course not. I have found that my biggest character growth has come while trying to care for this body. When you are trying to eat right, excercise, or lose weight, your inner character flaws and shortcomings show up right away. They tell to quit. They tell you to start tomorrow. They tell you, you've done enough for the day. Just watch The Biggest Loser to see this. The contestants uncover the charcter issues that led to their weight gains in the first place. And part of becoming stronger physically is becoming stronger mentally.
So long mind games! I don't need to ask if I am fat ever again.
I know the answer to that question...and more importantly I know that I am developing:
patience
kindness
love
joyfulness
selflessness
humility
strength
self controll
These are gonna last a lot longer than my pant size!
Wholeheartedly me,
Julia
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