Finding your personal outlet

It has been a long time since I posted on this blog. I stopped to pursue some other things. I am still pursuing them but I need another outlet. An outlet that is just about me and my life as I pursue and live my life.

WOW! I have learned a lot as I have been trying to build my other blog. I am excited for what is on and poppin over there but I love this blog because I don't care if no one reads it. It is my personal release. No pressure about SEO titles, plugins, pictures, hash tags, and all the other junk that get people noticed. 

This is me trying NOT to be noticed. 

Sometimes I feel like I am losing myself in all my pursuits. What do I really want to do? I want to be a life coach and motivational speaker. Yes! But what is the subject matter that I want to talk about. I think I know but I am having a hard time putting into a elevator speech or the executive summary of a business plan. My business coach and mentors are all "suggesting" (they are really telling me) things I need to get done. My brain hurts.

I think I am a lot overworked and need to be refreshed.

God restore me and help me focus on what you have for me. Not on impressing others or trying to live up to some image.

We all need a place and time to just relax and regroup. This is that place for me. A place where I can write and be free to be me!

Unleashed

You may not see it but there is a change in me.

I have reached a point in my life where the things I have been a afraid to do are the very things I am determined to tackle head on.

I can no longer run from certain things because the things I am running from are the very things I need to help me fulfill my purpose.

Recently i read a quote on Facebook that said
 "Your gifts are not about YOU
   Leadership is not about YOU
   Your purpose is not about YOU
   A life of significance is about serving those
   who need your gifts, leadership, and purpose"
Kevin Hall, "Aspire"

I fell in love with this quote because that is where I am. Ironically, in a blog about...well...me. I discover how it isn't about me at all. I am drilling down deep to excavate, unearth and forcibly remove all the junk that keeps me thinking it is all about me!

Basically, I am doing YOU a disservice by not reaching my full potential and well the people pleaser in me just can't have that! LOL

I am going to be doing some BIG things in these next few months. My vision for what this blog was going to be in January of 2012 has changed. It might not continue, but don't worry you will continue to hear from me.

I am unleashed now and you can either come with me or get out the way!

Selling yourself short

I have recently learned that I have been severely selling myself short to that point of being handicapped.

When someone compliments you, do you brush it off? Sometimes, especially Christians, in our efforts to avoid being prideful and walk in humility, we short change the skills we have developed and the talents God gave us.

I recently connected with a former recruiter to get some perspective on the impression my resume gives to a potential employer or client. I never met the recruiter before and she was referred to me by a college friend so this was going to be perfect: a stranger with no prior knowledge of me could give some honest feedback.

Her comments were so unbelievably complimentary that I couldn't believe she was talking about me. She said I had excellent experiences and just needed to tweak a few things to make those experiences really shine.

 I had never thought my experiences amounted to much because they weren't with fortune 500 companies. But as I think about it... skills are skills no matter where you develop them. I am slowly and I do mean slowly remembering the compliments I used to brush off. I am remembering the skills I used volunteering. I am rethinking my work experiences through a new set of eyes...appreciation!

In talking to the people who know me well, they kept saying things like "finally", "it's about time", and "at last", as if they knew I was blinded by my shortsightedness all along. And knowing them, they probably told me about it but I didn't listen.

The BRAVE lesson for me was giving myself permission to actually see my strengths. I AM good at what I love to do. Recognizing that isn't prideful but actually gives glory to God.

Scriptural Gem: Enjoy the ride (Philippians 1:6)

Enjoy where you are on the way the way to where you are going!

In all the madness and "git-her-done-ness" of my life right now I am miserable. My business is taking off and I am constantly thinking about how to improve it. How to get more customers? How do I keep the ones I have? How do I prepare for lean times.

In addition to that we had a small financial set back. So I have been worrying about whether we'll have the money to celebrate our 10 year anniversary in the grand sweeping way I so desire.

My son is getting ready to start preschool so I wondering if he has learned enough at home.
The last few weeks have been emotionally and mentally draining. I can't seem to turn my mind off. I am thinking about the future and how to get me and everyone else where I want to be.

Then I read Philippian 1:6 where Paul wrote to the church there:

I am convinced and sure of this very thing thing, He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ, developing that good work and perfecting and bring it to full completion in you. [AMP]

I have been so bogged down in the details of my life that I am not enjoying my life!

I have been absolutely miserable for the last few weeks. Why? I am trying to develop perfect and bring to completion the work in my life. Not just with my business but with my character goals, relationship goals, and yes financial goal. In short, I have been hustling. I haven't allowed myself to enjoy anything really.

I keep thinking this success is temporary and if I stop to enjoy any of it I will lose momentum and then the success will end.
That is a very defeating and deflating line of thinking. It has just left me stressed and upset because I am not enjoying the fruits of my labor.

This corrosive line of thinking isn't just in my professional life but in my personal life as well.
I am not enjoying my young children because I am worrying about the next step in their development. Do they know their names, shapes, colors, numbers, and letters? No? Well I really should be doing something that helps them learn those things and not building a fort for them to play in.

It sounds utterly ridiculous to say that out loud but it is what I have been thinking. Other moms seems to have this creative way of making learning fun for their kids and I am struggling to think of what they need to know. Un-oh I am falling prey to comparisons again. The result? I look at my kids for what they need to become and not for who they are. I don't enjoy them now because I am scared that I won't adequately prepare them for what is coming.

Bottom line is I am trying to make all these things happen and the Bible is telling me that I need to rely on God to do the heavy lifting of making us all over into what we need to be. It is also telling me I need to enjoy the ride and not just try to hurry to the destination.
Hmmmm....ok God I hear ya! Help me do that.


Seeking gems,

Julia

Where is God?

Bad things happen in this world and most of the time when we are upset about how things happened we tend to ask Where is God? Where was God when 9-11 happened? Where was God in Katrina? In Irene? when the earthquakes hit? when the wildfires blazed? when that child was abducted and sold as a sex slave? where was God when we lost our house? I lost my job? Where was God when she got raped? He got murdered? We got he deceptively got millions and we honestly went broke? Where was God when...? pick a tragedy and fill in the blank.

We demand to know where God is in a tragedy because we somehow believe if God was "there" then the tragedy wouldn't have happened. We have this view of God in our world today as the preventor of all things bad. And when God doesn't prevent something bad from happening we can blame him. We question is true sovereignty or even his existence. Why do feel the right to blame God? Because we believe that since God has the power to stop things from happening He must have chosen to allow a bad thing to happen to us. Some take this even further to even give evidence that there is no God at all. Or to choose not to trust a God who operates that way.

I don't purport to have all the answers but here is something I want to offer. Perhaps we are asking the wrong question. Instead of asking where is God? or why did God let happen?

What would happen if we asked: God, where am I?

Follow me a second on this. This question assumes a lot. It assumes you believe in God. It assumes you believe that God is in relationship with mankind. It assumes man can choose the degree and depth of his relationship to God.

Following all of those assumptions, if we ask "God, where am I?" in life's tragedies perhaps the answers could bring more comfort. Am I in a place to hear God? Am I in a place to let God direct me? And I in a place to allow God to comfort me? Am I in a place to allow God to correct me?

The Bible says God doesn't change. He is the same yesterday today and forever. He is...here's a christianese word...omnipresent which means everywhere all the time. In tragedies, He is where He was always been. In good times. He is where He has always been.

Believe it or not. That is good news to me. Here is where my biblical worldview is going to come out. God is and will always be in the very same "place" when good things happen and bad things happen.
The BRAVE lesson for me is trust is a hard "mother *shut your mouth*" to learn and live by. (Did you like my Shaft reference :)

In tough and confusing times I can seek solace by:
1. asking God where is my mental and emotional state on an issue?
2. assessing what that state reveals about my beliefs
3. turning to God to get through it not away from Him

If I am completely honest with myself, I don't always like it this approach. At times, I still demand more concrete answers but after the fist shaking and hissy fit have passed, God is still there and where is always been waiting for me to see the trust lesson.

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

The Incident

I have been a big promoter of stepping out and trying new things. But what happens when you try new things and they blow up in your face? How do you recover from that?

Many years ago friend of mine had a cousin who was in a coma as a result of an accident. He was on life support and doctors weren’t optimistic of his recovery. My friend was praying for her cousin, as usual when one day she heard God say that her cousin was going to live and go to tell the family. Naturally my friend got really excited and she told the rest of her family to keep the faith and be diligent because her cousin was going to live. But he died. His death was devastating for my friend. She never really got over it because she felt ashamed and foolish for believing God and it didn’t come to pass.

The friend in my story was me.  I stepped out on what I believed was faith and felt utterly humiliated. I never spoke about “the incident” again because I didn’t want to relive the feelings of hurt, embarrassment, and anger that are as fresh as if they happened yesterday, not over a decade ago.

I didn’t doubt then nor do I doubt now that I heard from God. But what I heard and what happened didn’t sync.

Recently, I was talking to my husband about those times when we are believing God for something in earnest and it doesn’t happen. How do you reconcile that in your mind? How do you have faith to trust and believe for the next thing?

Well my latest “next thing” is here and I am struggling. I was talking to God about a desire I have. I want something specific for my business and to me it is a big deal. Yet I hesitate to ask God because  of the residue from “the incident”. In a BRAVE moment, when there was quiet and I was willing, I brought it up. Yes I talk to God out loud sometimes. Conversation went something like this:

“Ok, God, you seem to want to address this issue. I felt disappointed by the outcome of “the incident”. I honestly believe I heard you and was obedient in telling my family that he was going to live and not die. But he died! Some might accuse me of not hearing from you. Some might accuse me of having some secret sin in my life which could have caused it not to happen. There are lots of reasons but the bottom line is when a person publically proclaims something from You and it doesn’t happen for private reasons…that person looks like an idiot! And I don’t like that.”

I wish I could say God answered me back as plainly as I spoke to him. But He didn’t. The oddest thing happened though. For the first time since “the incident” I was able to fully recount the whole story without feeling the familiar twins of embarrassment and anger. By remembering the events without the pain associated with them, I was able to allow my wounds to begin to heal. In the healing process, you can see things you never saw before. I discovered I was taking responsibility for something I shouldn’t have. I was in my teens when “the incident” happened and legally the decisions that were made about my cousin’s care or treatment were not within my control. What was in my control was my mouth. I was told to spread the hope that my cousin would live. I did that.

The BRAVE lesson God allowed me to see was that in a culture where we are so focused on RESULTS, it is hard to be satisfied with simply being faithful to do your part...especially when that part is small.

I wanted the results! I wanted the headline: "Teen miraculously survives near fatal accident". But it wasn't until I let go of the "results" and accepted that I did my part that I could even talk about it...let alone blog about it. I can't honestly say I understand what God was doing, did, is doing with regard to "the incident" but I can say, I am on my way to healing from it.

Wholeheartedly me,

Julia

Scriptural Gem: Like a tree (Jer 12:7-8)

One of my new favorite things is looking at trees. All different types of trees. I especially like looking at trees when they do not have any leaves on them. In the fall and winter when they are bare and seem to be dark and grey I can really see the intricacies of their structure. In the spring and summer, I can witness the tree renew itself and produce leaves and fruit. Amazing!

I was reading in Jeremiah 17:7, 8
Most blessed is the man who believes in, trusts in, and relies on the Lord, whose hope and confidence the Lord is. Vs 8 For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, that spreads out its roots by the river; and it shall not see and fear when heat comes; but its leaf shall be green. It shall not be anxious and full of care in the year of drought nor shall it cease yielding fruit.

The GEM I am receiving from this scriptures is that the latter verse which talks about how the tree will stand and be green and not fear is predicated on the prior verse.

I need to believe in and trust the Lord with EVERYTHING so that I can have the strength to be brave enough not to fear when heat and drought comes.

We've all experienced "heated" and "dry" circumstances of life and we will continue to have these times.

My roots are planted and secure in the hope of the gospel of Christ. I can trust God even when I have no clue what is going on. In fact, THAT is when trust really counts. Trust doesn't kick in until you are clueless about the ways but you know the character of him. I have to admit it is HARD sometimes to trust that openly and honestly. For me, I hesitate because I ascribe to God the same flaws of men. I assume God will disappoint just like "so and so" did in 1986. As a result of broken trust in the past, I am guarded with extending my trust in the future...even to God.

Each year I ascribe a motto for that year. It is a mantra that I try to live as a way of assessing how I spent my year. In 2010, it was "I CAN do it". That year I tackled hard issues and forced myself to keep going. In 2011, it was "O for grace to trust him more". I wanted to trust God with those things that I hid from him and asked him not to touch. I couldn't come up with a mantra for 2012 and now I know why. Because I am not finished with expanding my ability to trust God...and others. I have a lot more work to do in that area. So my 2012 motto is "Increasing trust".

Through this scripture I have discovered that it is possible to not only survive tough times but to thrive and be fruitful in them...as long as my trust and confidence is in the Lord and his ability.

I want to be able to do that. We recently went through a very stressful time financially and I was embarrassed and surprised at my lack of trust. My goal isn't to brag about how much trust God. My goal is to prove to myself that I have grown in the area of trusting God. That is what counts. Sometimes moving from point A to point A.5 is progress worth celebrating.

Walking out the Gem,

Julia